Double Diamond Works Wonders

Remember that ad....? It'll all come clear in a minute, hang in there...

Testy Teenager always needs new clothes, sports brands are hugely expensive here so we usually  order from an online shop such as for his stuff, and time it to coincide with a UK-SPAIN run by a local bloke with van...

Aware of the free delivery on orders over a particular amount, I thought I'd add in a couple of items for myself. Now I hate shopping, and invariably buy wrong size, shape, and have a wardrobe stacked with a range of Nothing To Wear.
I like to recycle where I once took to the charity shop, so if you see a tea towel with handy arms or a polo neck in my kitchen Say Nothing.

So I chose trekking sandals in the wrong size (because they were reduced... naturally) which will look lovely under the bed next to the pointy sequinned shoes,  the high heels, and the S&M lace up boots.

Buoyed by the couple of kilos shed in the twice weekly trek to school, and with the shopping devil on my shoulder, I browsed the bikini section. Before you all fall about laughing, it was a tankini with long bits to cover the wobbly bits. Large enough for my Double Diamond top size,  and 'boy shorts' you can hide a lasso in, lasso? you ask.....Hey presto, checkout, sated.

Having a beer with Stan last night, I'm off beer for lent,  I mentioned the van would soon be back, and we could all have a great laugh at me in my reduced price stars and stripes beachwear.

-Stars and Stripes?
-Yes, like the US flag, stars top stripey bum.
-But you showed me a pink flowery one.
-That was just the style, not the colour.

Now when Stan gets excited, he jiggles and adopts his Wolfish Grin.

-Stop jiggling, you're putting me off my pigs innards tapas.
-Soooooo, you'll be like Linda Carter?

-with like, white knee high socks and a crown and a lasso?
- Huh?
-Wonder Woman.

Dear guests, when you spot that as yet to be delivered star spangled cleaning cloth stuffed behind my loo, remember.....Careless Talk Costs Lives.